Too Many Friends?
A Shortcut to Love and Happiness.
No, it’s not a gimmick.
It’s been proven. Factors that bring joy, fulfillment, contentment and a deep sense of connection and meaning are relationships! Friendships, romantic, family, and even acquaintances can be emotionally, physically, and intelligently stimulating and fulfilling. But sometimes the relationship aspect of our life could use a bit of a tuneup.
“Lookin' for love in all the wrong places”, as the song says, is what happens to many. We spend our life in relationships that merely fill time. They’re empty conversations with people who don’t care or are unavailable. Eventually we notice the void and how it’s eating away at our soul and leaving emptiness and loneliness. Instead, you have a resource for kindling relationships as close as your phone, and we know how close that is most of the time! Your contact list.
It’s full of people who already care about you and you care about them. Revisiting it can change everything. It can change your world. What a great network and relationship opportunity to fill your life with love of all types, including connection and happiness. It may not lead to a romantic relationship right away, if that’s what you are looking for, but you never know until you get out there.
Connect with your contact list, check in with people who care about you, and build a bridge to happiness. You might have heard, “like attracts like”. Wouldn’t it be great to meet and share time with happy connected people?
You can be that… and find that. Happy. Connected.
Or…have you ever met anyone who’s always upset because things aren’t going their way? Always telling stories and complaining that their friends and family aren’t meeting their expectations? Demanding, miserable, needy or clingy. When you observe their life, it’s a good life in most ways except their attitude. That is a swirl of downward emotion mixed with victimhood or anger. We come away from hanging out with them feeling like we need a nap or a cocktail! You're drained and listless.
Discover and become what you want.
First, choose to select and spend time with friends and family who are those “safe” people for you. People who you can sense caring and warm feelings. Those people who you find mutual respect and appreciation. When you are with them you hear natural laughing, feel yourself smile, and sharing enjoyable stories. You can see and sense they find pleasure in being with you and you them. As the relationship grows, reciprocal trust is built. Pay attention to both the logic side of your mind and your gut telling you wisdom. If healthy relationships are new to you or you want a second opinion, run it by a trusted parent, relative or confidant.
Now YOU, step into it being a trustworthy person. A respectful caring person. A warm open-hearted person who you would want to spend time. Discover, grow, and live your life as your best self.
Like attracts like.
Next, gradually spend less and less time with those like I mentioned who exhaust you, who drain you. The ones where you feel like you’re always trying to be accepted and it never feels like it happens. You find yourself doing the same downward swirl with them. Their attitude is influencing you and it feels awful. They are always wanting something from you and when you look over the years at your relationship you can see it’s not working. There’s a real lack of mutual respect and feeling of nonacceptance. When you are honest with yourself, you realize the mutual appreciation is not going to grow. Spending less time with them, gives you more time with those who you can honestly share life with and room to find and make new healthy relationships.
It’s a process. Give yourself time, kindness, and understanding as you redefine the meeting experience. Learn more about what healthy relationships look and feel like. Get to know you. Understand that time is your best friend, it’ll allow you to broaden a new relationship to more topics and get to know the person better. You might meet someone that seems wonderful and desires a friendship, then you find out they’re behavior is selfish and unappreciative, that happened to me this week. That’s ok, there are so many wonderful people in this world.
Go for it.
Learn as you go and practice.
Look through your phone and social media contact list from the last few years, there might be an old acquaintance that just might turn into a new friend. You might be surprised how happy those contacts are to casually hear from you. A great start is to find public social gathering like a food festival or car show to invite others for a casual way to know if you want to spend more time together.
A couple of simple steps to get you started, look through your contact list and ask yourself:
*Who do I know that if I saw them walking I would enjoy a quick catch up conversation?
*Who in my life seems to really know me, see me? (You might have hints of this by their conversation, not just repeating what you say or trying too hard to get you to like them, but they are present and are interactive in conversation.)
*Who is someone I share an interest that is open to learning, going to an event, or having a fun conversation around the topic.
*Who seems to have my best interest at heart, and I them?
Now you have a list, short or long, it doesn’t matter. These people are gold for you. Start with them, keep it casual and see where it goes. Leave it open for them to invite friends as well if you’re going to a public gathering or meet up. That will help them feel comfortable and gives all attending an opportunity to meet casually and this will open your life to new people. You never know, you might just be connecting with a new friend or a potential life partner.
Again—practice, practice, practice.
Make it your first priority to give them your presence, be interested, and ask open ended questions. Share your hobbies and interests.
Keep it casual at first, don’t share everything all at once.
Most of all have a good time.
As a Certified High Performance Coach, I help people get move from feeling stuck or bored with life to designing a life that they love and will positivity impact their financial picture. While they're at it, there is a focus on moving the needle toward their personal definition of success, build a supportive team and through it, help discover what might be holding them back from their goals.
With a focus on Life Design, relationships are also vital. My coaching includes learning skills to increase influence, collaboration and interaction personally and professionally. I enjoy teaching scientifically proven success tools to form new habits and perspectives to take steps toward their dreams and bring Life Design Coaching to the discussion for more active focus for life and investing.
When meeting with people we coach using live video conferencing. It's an easy way to diverge from Portland traffic or other distance to enjoy a quiet private environment.
Want to be a part of this innovative growth minded community? Contact me for a free 20 minute call and we’ll see if coaching might be right for you. To those who qualify, I give a FREE Strategy one hour coaching session, with no obligation at all. It’s important to know if we are a match. Just hit reply and we’ll the free call.